So, things are starting to look up.
I am antidepressant free and feeling back to my old self. I’m still building back my confidence everyday (socially) I used to be the social butterfly, I’d speak to everyone and anyone. Now, I find myself being shy, or at the other end of the spectrum a snobby bitch.
Lately it’s been about my boyfriend’s social group. They are lovely people but I feel they could drag him down. They do drugs and go out every weekend. I just feel like they’re judging me a lot because I’m not a drug user. I just think there’s an age you get to and it’s time to stop with the weed and drink and start looking after yourself.
Anyway, things are feeling better. I just need to get out of my job now. I’m there 80% of my week and it’s where I’m the most miserable. Fingers crossed I can get out of there before July. (That’s my target)
Filling out my days with happy times now 💚💚💚💚
So the last month has been difficult. I’m newly in love and miserable in my job.
Here’s how the story began….
I broke up with my ex boyfriend around July. he made me ill. From the year(ish) we were together he drilled in my head that I was stupid. Not directly, but subconsciously. After the break up I went off the rails, going out on weekend binges, using friends for company, and mistreating my family. I then seeked help from my GP who threw antidepressants at me. I started taking Citalopram at the end of October till around December, then they upped my dose and changed medication. I then started taking Venlafaxine. (PLEASE NO ONE TAKE THIS MEDICATION!!) during this period I got back in touch with someone I lusted for way back when, he is the most amazing person ever. He makes me feel on top of the world. Anyway, after years and years of feeling nothing for anyone, he stole my heart, the best feeling I’ve ever felt. So, with this I took it upon myself to kick the tablets out of my life. Good idea, bad consequences.
For a week or so after, I felt like I was quitting heroin. Worst week of my life. I hate depending on people and Liam (my boyfriend) was there every day. Since I’ve come off Venlafaxine, I’ve been a stereotypical psycho girlfriend. Needy, wanting constant contact, stopping him doing things he wants to do, crying about the smallest things. I’ve turned into someone I never wanted to be.
Recently I’ve been seeking help from a Psychiatrist practitioner. I’ve not had many sessions but so far they’re not working. I’m still obsessing over little things. So, today I went to Holland and Barratt and bought something called St John’s Wort. Obviously it’s all herbal but I’m willing to give it a go. On my way to being happy and not a burden to others, I’m emotionally tired and I’m passing that on to others.
Wish me luck ☺️